...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize