then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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