absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
