i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
