Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
