Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
