I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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