I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
