R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
