she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
