im six kinds of drunk right now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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