my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
