Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
