Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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