this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
