my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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