Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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