did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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