I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
