Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
