Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize