I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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