I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
