apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
