And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
