Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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