i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
