Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize