god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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