Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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