i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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