i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
