Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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