Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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