i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize