i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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