i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
