Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
