I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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