Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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