I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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