There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
