Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
