I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
