Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
