It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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