so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
