dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
