i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
