Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
