so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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