Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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