Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
