no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My vagina just recognized that song.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just pee around me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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