yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
