The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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