yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
