if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
