I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!