I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I looked at my own cervix.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth