I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!