"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
